Q: My 11-year-old son has started playing competitive baseball during the outdoor season, which basically runs from mid-April to mid-October. But he has also gone away for the summers to sleepover camp for the past two years.
This summer he can’t do both completely, meaning, he either has to miss some of the season or not go to camp for as long as usual. My wife and I both went to camp our whole lives, and made some hugely important lifelong friendships there, so we feel it is an important part of childhood.
Neither of us is extremely sporty, nor competitive, so we know nothing about the world of competitive youth sports.
Our son decided to go to camp but is now wavering and thinking he wants to come home for baseball. We know what we would like him to do, but we’re not conflicted. At this point, we just don’t know how to help him.
Pros and Cons
A: Though your son is only 11, this is a perfect opportunity to teach him how to make a decision — by weighing the pros and cons — and owning the consequences of that decision. Especially since whatever choice he makes won’t upset you or your wife, this is a very safe opportunity, meaning, if he makes the “wrong” choice, the outcome isn’t remotely horrific.
So, help him think about the pros and cons, enlighten him about aspects his young mind would never think of, and let him make the decision on his own. Caveat: you didn’t mention any financial implications of either, so assuming money isn’t an issue, there’s no reason to mention it. Although often cost is a huge factor in many life decisions.
Q: I have been dating a man for nearly eight months now. He’s loving, attentive, present and kind. We had just decided to go on vacation together and were talking about our plans over a late lunch at a local restaurant when a woman walked in with two young children. One of the kids ran over to our table, screamed, “Daddy” and jumped into my boyfriend’s arms.
The look on the woman’s face was enough for me to know immediately that my boyfriend was far from available. I gathered my things and ran out the door.
A few days later I took everything of his that was in my house — some articles of clothing, sports equipment, and a few knick-knacks — and dumped them by a roadside charity bin that was already full. As I was walking back to my car, a woman ran up to me carrying one of my boyfriend’s baseball hats. She asked me where I got the hat, and I broke down in tears in front of this stranger.
I was so distraught I didn’t even notice that her face was a mixture of incredulity and pain. To both of our shock, she announced that she was married to this same man and knew nothing about me or the woman with the two children.
How can one man betray so many people, and be capable of making everyone think life is grand?
Double Duped
A: That is a crazy story! But sadly, believable. I know this won’t help your pain now but take solace in the fact that you weren’t more deeply involved. The second woman you met, his wife, is tied to him legally and will now (one hopes) have to go through divorce proceedings to extricate herself from him. And we don’t know if they have children.
The second woman we know has children with this man, but does she know he’s married to someone else? Is he married to both? Be grateful he was outed when he was, and you didn’t get more attached, emotionally or otherwise.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman bothered by her co-worker’s hairy armpits (June 26):
Reader: “I’m an older man. No one has ever pushed me to shave my underarms, and if they did, I’d tell them it was none of their business. The co-worker made a choice to not shave her armpits. The woman who wrote in also made a choice: she chose to be affronted, and she chose to take her prejudice public.
“Only one person’s choices are hurtful.
“The human body isn’t gross, but sometimes our actions are.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the employee in an open-concept office (July 3):
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Lisi: Brilliant!
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